image of two women lying on a bed of squished tomatoes

Death by Tomato

Dear Beaver, We found a farmer’s market in the next town, the hippie town, to us, and, of course, we deride hippies in general, the royal We, but really they have this town hopping. Everyone wants to go and hang out there when farmer’s market is open on Saturdays. So the royal We bought a […]

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image of coleman lemieux

Modern Dance: Elvis or Johnny Cash

I first became aware of modern dance companies by the publicity shots I’d see in newspapers. Women with their hands apart pointing to Casper the Ghost or other imaginary diety. Men, wearing only white gauze, cantering over another dancer in crouch pose eating a daisy. They had me.  And then when I started actually attending […]

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image of raw burger patties

Dude Ranch Makes a Burger: a study

Dear Beaver, A little about Dude Ranch’s habits every Tuesday and Thursday, and alternate Sundays. He enters, post-workout, through the side door like he’s an electrician. He darts to the fridge and pulls out fresh ground beef. Fresh as in not frozen, and not freshly killed, though now that I think about it, how would […]

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image of a mask on the ground

Ebola Might Not Be a Sneeze in the Park

The recent outbreaks of Ebola in the US brings me back to another contagious time when people were actually doing something about it. Despite massive preparation (mostly just worrying) on my part, I got fucking H1N1 while driving from Montreal to Boston (my then regular weekly commute). I’d heeded the calls.  I’d read the posters.  […]

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image of a yard with fireplace

Franco follies

The Director almost laughed when our visitors announced they were from L’Isle.  It was what I used to call the town where I spent some quality time as a youngster myself… the chicagoland version, that is.  But I was a sad imitation, whereas they?  They were four hearty, healthy, good-looking youth who spoke English better […]

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image of mushroom

Enter Gnome

A gnome visited our house yesterday. Before we met him, we wondered what he did for money, as he was evasive over the phone. “Maybe he’s a dealer,” I said. “Or a criminal,” the Director said. (more…)  

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image of a robin at a window

Flipping the Bird

  Ah, I didn’t pay attention to the bird chirping differently when I tossed the ladder under the staircase. Then a series of smaller cries erupted right in the ladder / decrepit fence material area. Shit, I thought. Shit shit, I thought again again. The Robin on the pine branch kept at it.  I tiptoed […]

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angel painting

Roadtrip with an angel

We took the roadtrip slow through the ugly Eastern townships.  A few weeks prior, I’d been busted for scooting along a little fast, 70km rather than 50km, which in dog years is slow. “You’d never know from this stupid road how nice the towns are,” I told rider X, next to me. He smelled like […]

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Riding in the car, mesozoic version

The street was lined with bricks, and the car, being from the Mesozoic era, made special noises driving over them. Riding in the car with my father, I sat in the front passenger seat, no seatbelt. I opened and shut the metal rectangle attached to the door handle – the ashtray that my parents never […]

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I Feel Awful: How Not to Make Falafel

“Turn it up,” Lola yelled from the kitchen. With the Hosers International tv show blaring, Lola felt able to turn inward.  She was devising a way to get the falafel to be both crispy but not grimy.  Baked things meant to be fried didn’t always translate.  Lola guessed that with a few tablespoons of coconut […]

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