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serious business

Monday Night Rules (of Engagement)

Rules of Engagement: what happens when a couple moves in together and one of them is terribly bossy

Do not put your shoes on anything other than the floor. Doing so shows a sign of pure disrespect. Plus it brings all kinds of bad luck. I don’t know what kind, just a lot of it. This means no shoes on the chairs, beds, car seats, loveseats, backs of toilets, tops of gas burning grills.  Got it?

When you cut the garlic, you need to make sure that you throw out the garlic papers and inner green roots while saying, “Pour les pauvres.”  Stop confusing pepper with the poor.

Pauvres is not poivres, ok?  We don’t know why we say this, but an aunt told us to do this when we were children, to think of the poor when disposing of garlic remains, and she’s very good with money. We don’t want to be poor.  Maybe the garlic papers sprout in the garbage and garbage is another way of, oh never mind.

Never eat pork. This is not so much Jewish as it is common sense. Pigs are, well, pigs!  I would never indulge in eating such a filthy animal.  Make sure when you make lentils?  That you take out the ham bone half an hour before serving.  For good luck.  Ham is decidedly and definitely not pork.  Trust me.